Berty Ponsimby Smyth

From: musters
To: dunlop players
Subject: Berty Ponsimby Smyth
Date: Thu, 17 Nov 2011 22:05:04 +0000

Hello there - Declan Musters is my own name and I would like to put it (i.e. my name, ME) forward for the above role in Sleeping Beauty which I believe has recently become available as reported in The Daily Record.

You'll no doubt be aware of my work, yes?

I have been a top level actor for over twenty years and have played a diversity of roles from the rear end of a horse in "Richard Whittingdon" all the way to Tom in the "The Search for Dick". Of course I know the parts of Ponsimby-Smyth intimately. Further, I have a full scuba diving licence and a BADC intermediate certificate in Stage Fighting.

Will you have me?

Regards,

Declan.

From: dunlop players
To: musters
Subject: RE: Berty Ponsimby Smyth
Date: Fri, 18 Nov 2011 15:26:03 +0000

Dear Declan,

Thanks so much for your interest in our organisation. Unfortunately, the role you mention has already been filled by our understudy. The panto begins its run next Tuesday - 23rd Nov!!

We would be delighted for you to come along in the new year and be involved in future productions. We are an amateur (and award winning!) drama group based in Dunlop, Ayrshire and have regular performances of one, two and three act plays, in addition to the yearly panto. Membership fees are £15 per year and this can be paid by standing order if needed. There is also a £1 charge per rehearsal which is included in the standing order option.

Are you residing locally?

Regards,

Sally Mair.

From: dunlop players
To: musters
Subject: RE: Berty Ponsimby Smyth
Date: Tue, 22 Nov 2011 19:00:20 +0000

Dear Sally,

Thanks for your beguiling response to which I shall reply to in this email.

1/ You say "unfortunately" the role has been filled by the understudy. I'm assuming that the poor sap isn't up to the task? I, on the other hand, am a classically trained actor and have been congratulated on my Jacobean chicken eating by Gregor Fisher personally.

2/ Can the annual membership fee and rehearsal charges be defrayed from mine own quittance (5000pwa). I would be loathe to supply my bank account details to you for obvious reasons.

3/ Yes, I am domiciled in Great Britain but would be willing to move to Ayrshire should appropriate relocation expenses and security be forthcoming.

I hope this answers your questions and the only question that remains from me is repeated below.

Will you have me?

Regards,
Declan.
END OF CORRESPONDENCE